Faith and Trust, Sans Pixie Dust
I grew up believing that I could be a fairy.
Fairies didn't have to worry about anything - all problems could be solved with the simple solution of (yes, you guessed it) pixie dust.
Unfortunately, the realities of adulthood are not so easily rectified. Things that are broken cannot be cured with magic, especially not something as fragile as trust.
It dawned on me that I do not have a great deal of trust nor faith in the people around me, and I used to think that this was a fairly common, even normal, phenomenon. But, I've come to the conclusion that it is a wildly discordant and (dare I speak frankly?) miserable way to live. Because not only do I not have faith in the people and circumstances around me, but I have used that fear and disillusionment as an excuse to mistrust the only one that can absolutely be trusted.
God.
And no, that wasn't meant as an expletive. He has come through for me time and time again, but how have I rewarded such faithfulness? With broken promises, clumsy plans, and a general dissatisfaction with my life and future. He did not give up all that he had for me to just trample over his promises like a rejected prom proposal, surely?
The truly remarkable thing was staring me in the face all along - here I was, laboring on about my trust issues and cynicism cloaked in "realism," when all along, I was the one who couldn't be trusted. It was easier to think that caring for me, dying for me, even when I have brought pain and destruction to lives, my own included, was too good to be true.
Because that's the heart of the matter, isn't it? It sounds far too good to be true. A loving, gracious God, smiling down upon His children, even in the midst of their rejection. It's wondrous, yet ,surprisingly, still logical.
Think of it. What is far more frightening than making a mistake (sometimes a catastrophic one) and having those you are accountable to scream and shout 'til they're blue in the face?
A quiet response, merciful in countenance and disappointed in behavior, but still loving.
It feels like agony, being torn limb from limb. When someone is angry, you feel the right to be angry, too. But, when you feel the trust being broken, within someone who did nothing to deserve betrayal, it is not you who are hurt, but them. And you know it.
God made the ultimate sacrifice of trust when He allowed us the freedom to love Him, or not. He gave up the opportunity of blind obedience and unfailing trust for a true love, which can and will continue to be hurtful.
Is He deserving of our trust? Absolutely. But, how can we draw on this in our daily lives?
There are two things that need to be remembered:
I understand. You feel that you've been abandoned too many times to count. You've experienced disappointment, disillusionment, and, ultimately, pain. How can you allow yourself to count on anyone, but yourself?
It's not an easy option, choosing to trust people, who've all proven to be notoriously fickle. But, you cannot continue through life with a bitter cloud of solitude hanging overhead. Yes, you might be let down again. Yes, you might experience pain from broken promises.
Yet, there are people out there that God has strategically placed in your life for a reason, and wants to use them and you to accomplish His will. They are working towards His purposes, not ours. We are called to so much more than we could ever fathom. If we let Him work through us, hopes risked and all, we can truly find joy and purpose in our lives.
I know that it's difficult, but for me personally, I would rather risk pinning my hopes on the Lord than pinning them on myself. Because, truly, in the end, you and I are no different than the rest - we are bound to let even ourselves down. But, God? He has neither broken a promise, nor gone back on His word since the beginning of time.
I'd say that's a pretty decent track record.
Psalm 56:3- "When I am afraid, I will trust in you."
How often have you felt afraid, afraid of the future, afraid of the magnitude of your circumstances? Trust and faith do not simply erase fear. As much as I'd like to believe in the true magic of pixie dust, the reality of life is not that easy. We have to overcome fear with faith and trust, choosing to trust that God is who He says He is and that He will do what He has promised.
That's why my prayer today is this:
Father, please help me to be reminded of who you are, each and every day. Help me to remember that it is for your purposes that I am to live for, not the world's, and not even my own. Even though I cannot always see where you are leading me, I know that your path is the best one and that apart from you, my life is a mess. Thank you for all that you've done for me, and all that you continue to do. Thank you even for the people who have failed me, or let me down, because it has simply reinforced the fact that you never will. When I am afraid, I will trust in you.
Amen.
Fairies didn't have to worry about anything - all problems could be solved with the simple solution of (yes, you guessed it) pixie dust.
Unfortunately, the realities of adulthood are not so easily rectified. Things that are broken cannot be cured with magic, especially not something as fragile as trust.
It dawned on me that I do not have a great deal of trust nor faith in the people around me, and I used to think that this was a fairly common, even normal, phenomenon. But, I've come to the conclusion that it is a wildly discordant and (dare I speak frankly?) miserable way to live. Because not only do I not have faith in the people and circumstances around me, but I have used that fear and disillusionment as an excuse to mistrust the only one that can absolutely be trusted.
God.
And no, that wasn't meant as an expletive. He has come through for me time and time again, but how have I rewarded such faithfulness? With broken promises, clumsy plans, and a general dissatisfaction with my life and future. He did not give up all that he had for me to just trample over his promises like a rejected prom proposal, surely?
The truly remarkable thing was staring me in the face all along - here I was, laboring on about my trust issues and cynicism cloaked in "realism," when all along, I was the one who couldn't be trusted. It was easier to think that caring for me, dying for me, even when I have brought pain and destruction to lives, my own included, was too good to be true.
Because that's the heart of the matter, isn't it? It sounds far too good to be true. A loving, gracious God, smiling down upon His children, even in the midst of their rejection. It's wondrous, yet ,surprisingly, still logical.
Think of it. What is far more frightening than making a mistake (sometimes a catastrophic one) and having those you are accountable to scream and shout 'til they're blue in the face?
A quiet response, merciful in countenance and disappointed in behavior, but still loving.
It feels like agony, being torn limb from limb. When someone is angry, you feel the right to be angry, too. But, when you feel the trust being broken, within someone who did nothing to deserve betrayal, it is not you who are hurt, but them. And you know it.
God made the ultimate sacrifice of trust when He allowed us the freedom to love Him, or not. He gave up the opportunity of blind obedience and unfailing trust for a true love, which can and will continue to be hurtful.
Is He deserving of our trust? Absolutely. But, how can we draw on this in our daily lives?
There are two things that need to be remembered:
1. God works through people in our lives (even the ones that fail you).
I understand. You feel that you've been abandoned too many times to count. You've experienced disappointment, disillusionment, and, ultimately, pain. How can you allow yourself to count on anyone, but yourself?
It's not an easy option, choosing to trust people, who've all proven to be notoriously fickle. But, you cannot continue through life with a bitter cloud of solitude hanging overhead. Yes, you might be let down again. Yes, you might experience pain from broken promises.
Yet, there are people out there that God has strategically placed in your life for a reason, and wants to use them and you to accomplish His will. They are working towards His purposes, not ours. We are called to so much more than we could ever fathom. If we let Him work through us, hopes risked and all, we can truly find joy and purpose in our lives.
I know that it's difficult, but for me personally, I would rather risk pinning my hopes on the Lord than pinning them on myself. Because, truly, in the end, you and I are no different than the rest - we are bound to let even ourselves down. But, God? He has neither broken a promise, nor gone back on His word since the beginning of time.
I'd say that's a pretty decent track record.
2. Trust is a choice.
Psalm 56:3- "When I am afraid, I will trust in you."
How often have you felt afraid, afraid of the future, afraid of the magnitude of your circumstances? Trust and faith do not simply erase fear. As much as I'd like to believe in the true magic of pixie dust, the reality of life is not that easy. We have to overcome fear with faith and trust, choosing to trust that God is who He says He is and that He will do what He has promised.
That's why my prayer today is this:
Father, please help me to be reminded of who you are, each and every day. Help me to remember that it is for your purposes that I am to live for, not the world's, and not even my own. Even though I cannot always see where you are leading me, I know that your path is the best one and that apart from you, my life is a mess. Thank you for all that you've done for me, and all that you continue to do. Thank you even for the people who have failed me, or let me down, because it has simply reinforced the fact that you never will. When I am afraid, I will trust in you.
Amen.
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